Brain, I will poke you with a flaming q-tip!!!!

Alright, after a wonderful day of *BLEEP*, I am yet again safe in the safety of the internet. Oh, safe, sarcastic internet. If I didn't have you protecting me I might do something productive, like run for an hour. Read a book. Break out the NES and beat the crap outta a giant, fire breathing, shelled, lizard-king. Those sorts of highly productive things.

Or I could cook.

Wait, this is something I like!

So I present to you the second recipe from my experiment on slow roasting a piggy:

Pulled Piggy Sandwich (2 sandwiches to be exact)

Tools:

knife

cutting board

flat skillet (I like non-stick for this)

plate

spatula

Ingredients:

1/2 cup of pulled pork (chilled)

1 small onion, sliced thin

2 roma tomatoes, sliced

spicy pickles (I discovered a pickle from FrogFarm which is AWESOME for this. It will clean your sinuses out! But if you don't like spicy, I guess normal pickles will do. . .wuss.)

1/2 cup of sliced cabbage (coleslaw mix)

non-stick cooking spray

loaf of a thick, crusty bread that you can slice into sandwich size meals (I use half a loaf of french bread for this from my local supermercado)

deli-style mustard (My favorite is Plochman's Mustard which has a slight bite, but compliments all the tastiness in the sandwich rather than taking over)

Overall this is really easy to make. Take the sliced onions and place into the bottom of the skillet hosed down in non-stick spray set to medium-low heat. While that is cooking, slice the bread into acceptable sandwich sizes and layer on the pickles, tomatoes, and cabbage onto the bottom slice of the sandwich (a good crusty bread won't get soggy when you do this).

After the onions start to take on a wonderful golden color, add in the pulled pork to heat it up and add just a little bit more flavor. Once the pork is warm, spread the onion/pork yumminess (one of the most accurate scientific words in my vocabulary) evenly onto the bread. Add mustard to taste and put the top slice of bread back on.

Now here is the strangest tip ever. Walk away.

Wait, what?

Seriously, walk away from the sandwich for five minutes. This will let all the flavors of the sandwich start to mix together, which is exactly what you want. You can even wrap the sandwich in plastic wrap for later if you use a crusty enough bread, it shouldn't get soggy if you choose wisely (and really, experiment, because depending on where you live you can have entirely different bread styles which can modify how this tastes. Experiment = better food = happy belly.) After that I'd suggest eating over the sink for easy clean up as you enjoy the rewards for your effort.

And until the next pork-related recipe:

Bien Camino!!!!!

Sleep, I don't need no stinking sleep!

Coffee.....

I might be living on it more than I should, but you have to do what you have to do. I also won't mention the VERY dirty look I got from the nurse yesterday when she heard I'm going off of two hours of sleep. Bah! Sleep! Who needs it when you have caffeine replacing food. . .

Ok, I want SLEEP! But "oh well," I'll get over it soon. (or die of a caffeine induced heart attack)

As I promised, today is the second installment of the Experiment: Spanish Rice

Porky Spanish Rice (ok, so not exactly spanish rice, but still GOOD)

Tools:

Pot with a heavy lid

Cutting Board

Knife

Spoon

Ingredients:

1 cup of loosely shredded pork (from yesterday)

1 cup of dry rice

1 packet of taco seasoning

1 large onion, diced up

2 fresh jalapenos, diced up

1 green bell pepper, diced up

1.5 cups of high quality H2O

Get out the cutting board, the knife, and pretend that you are part of the movie Psycho. After everything is cut up ("no mommy, I didn't do it!"), drop it into the pot, followed with the rice, taco seasoning, and high quality H2O. Mix it all together so all the flavors are mixed together. Put the lid onto the pot and turn the heat onto low-medium (or the lowest flame possible for you silly gas stove cookers). Once you get it to a constant boil, turn off the heat, and let it continue cooking for about 20 minutes. Open up the pot and fluff all the rice with a fork. Serve with tortilla chips, queso (CHEESE!), and salsa.

Bien Camino!

Challenge

Ok, last week I decided to challenge myself with a simple task: with a four pound (1.5 kilo) hunk of tasty pork, how can I cook this so I have a fantastic week of piggy goodness? The first thing I decided was for simplicity sake I was going to slow cook that sucker into tasty pulled pork goodness, and then every few days create a new dish with said TASTY piggy. I would like to think that a week later I have succeeded, and my belly is all sorts of happy for it.

But first thing is first, time to teach you how to slow cook that little tasty bit of goodness into pulled pork!

Naughty Slow Cooker Pulled Pork

Tools:

2-3 quart slow cooker

2 forks

Ingredients:

4 lb chunk of pork (a little fat on one side won't hurt either)(some supermercados will call this a "roast")

3 tbsp of white vinegar (this will tenderize the meat while it cooks, trust me, you won't taste it when you are done)

And at this point you look at it and go, "really? Is that it?"

YES!!!!!!!!!!

Take the piggy out of whatever packaging that it comes from. Look at it longingly. Bat your eyes at it coyly. Say naughty things to it, because it is a sinful piece of meat that you are going to do very bad things with. Promise you'll be gentle, but secretly you are a lying monster.

Now that I'm past that bit of smart-arseness, throw that slab of pork goodness into the slow cooker with the vinegar, toss the lid on, and set that machine to low. Then leave it alone for the next 24-30 hours. When you return the pork will be cooked all the way through and bubbling in its own naughty juices. This is where the fat on one side of the piggy comes in handy, it'll melt into fantastic juice that will tenderize the meat. Pull it apart with the two forks to "shred it."

And with that you have the base of my week in piggy heaven. Tomorrow: Piggy Spanish Rice. :)

Bien Camino!

What do you mean coffee and Reese's Pieces aren't dinner?

Gosh people get cranky when you insinuate that coffee and candy are an acceptable dinner. It isn't like the diabetic doctor knows anything. . .ok, so he might know some things about good nutrition. With that said, it wasn't like I woke up in the morning expecting to have another sixteen hour day, they kinda happen that way. But tonight, oh tonight, I am looking forward to something that isn't candy and caffeine based.

"Grilled" Chicken and Onions on Flatbread with Cucumber Yogurt Sauce

Tools:

Knife

Cutting Board

Oven

Three Bowls

Spoon

Cast Iron Skillet

Container with a lid large enough to hold the yogurt and the cucumber.

Ingredients for Sauce

2 cups of plain yogurt (I like Greek)

2 tbsp mint flakes

1/2 cucumber, seeded and chopped finely

Ingredients for Chicken

1 lb of chicken cut into strips

2 large onions, cut into strips

2 tsp pepper

2 tbsp olive oil

2 tsp garlic powder

2 tsp cumin

1/2 cup lemon juice

Ingredients/Condiments for the Flat Bread

1 package of pita or flour tortillas

2 large tomatoes, diced up

lettuce, shredded (optional)

In a container large enough to hold the sauce ingredients, add the yogurt and the mint flakes and mix well. Cut the cucumber lengthwise, so you can see all the seeds. Take your spoon and just scrape them out in a strait line. You will want to do this because if you leave the seeds the sauce will get all watery and thin, which isn't a good sauce. Chop up the seeded cucumber, add it to the sauce, and mix well. Cover and store in the refrigerator for at least an hour, although overnight is best.

Cut up the tomatoes and shred the lettuce, set them aside in bowls to use later. This should leave you a single bowl. In that bowl you will want to add the lemon juice and spices, and mix well. Chop the chicken and the onion and add it to the bowl, mixing well so the spices infuse the bird and all the onions in wonderful flavor. Feel free to let marinade in the fridge for an hour, but you won't need to.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees and place the cast iron skillet inside. Once the skillet is hot, pull it out and add the olive oil to the bottom of the pan, and then pour the chicken/onion mixture into the pan. Quickly return it to the oven and cook for about 25 minutes, then start checking the mixture every 5 minutes to see if it's done. You don't want any pink left in the chicken, which shouldn't be a problem because it was added to the pan cut up. The cast iron will help give a 'grilled' flavor to the bird and veggies, although you can do this equally as well in aluminum foil over a real grill.

Warm the bread by the directions on the package, and then serve the chicken/onion mix on the bread with tomatoes, lettuce, and a generous portion of yogurt sauce. And with that I have my dinner tonight. Yes, be jealous; but also make it yourself!

Bien Camino!